My husband is becoming a feminist

Why am I so annoyed that his becoming is a badge of some sorts.

He doesn’t claim it as a badge, and maybe I am imagining it as a badge.

A big part of me loves that he is determined to represent men better and to hold peers more accountable.

Our conversations are thought provoking and meaningful, I value these opportunities to openly talk about patriarchy, equal rights etc…

But… I get this underlying annoyance that I am having to explain, teach or share information that I believe IS COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

Why am I explaining this?

Why does something I’ve understood almost instinctively for most of my life get to be a revelation for him?

And that’s where I get stuck.

Because I want men to have these conversations. I want them to question things they’ve never questioned before. I want them to notice the shit women have been pointing out forever. I want them to call out other men instead of leaving that job to us.

So why the fuck am I annoyed when my own husband actually does it?

Maybe because he gets to discover something I’ve had to experience.

He gets to examine patriarchy intellectually.

I got raised in it.

He can hear something about the way women move through the world and think, Jesus, I never thought about that before.

And I’m sitting across from him thinking:

HOW HAVE YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE?

Which isn’t entirely fair.

You don’t know what you don’t know.

I know that.

And this isn’t really about him. He’s listening. He’s learning. He’s asking questions. He’s willing to change his mind. He’s willing to challenge other men.

Those are all things I want.

But apparently there’s a tiny, exhausted woman living somewhere inside me who would also like to know why men get a fucking gold star for eventually arriving at women are equal human beings.

And maybe that’s the contradiction.

I can appreciate the man he’s becoming while simultaneously being pissed off that becoming that man required an education in the first place.

I can love that he’s learning and resent having to be one of his teachers.

Both can be true.

And perhaps that’s what I’m actually annoyed about.

Not that my husband is becoming a feminist.

That women have been explaining this shit for generations, and somehow we’re still holding orientation.